He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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