Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
