my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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