Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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