I think I just saw someone hide a body.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
