We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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