Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
