I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
