Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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