The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
