went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
