I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
