Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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