I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
