Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
