took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
