after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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