He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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