Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
