I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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