what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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