I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
