And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
