im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
