so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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