I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
