Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
