Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
