i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
