I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
His nipple licking is glorious
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