I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
