I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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