i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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