I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
