Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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