I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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