You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
