Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
