I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
