Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
