Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
