I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
