How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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