I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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