When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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