I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
