the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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