My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
