Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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