So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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