Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize