Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
