i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
