Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
