1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
