Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize