Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
