i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
