Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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