There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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