I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
