I got chris browned last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
