I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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