Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
