Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
