C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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