life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
