funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
