Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
