You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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