At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All the doctor said was why
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
