BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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