Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
