Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
