I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
