I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
