Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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