Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
