We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
