I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
