i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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