so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
