Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
