at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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