just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
