new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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