ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my liver is dry heaving
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
