i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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