Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
