after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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