its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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