In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
