Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize