The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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