The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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