She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
