so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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