So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
