sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
Randomize
