Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
