The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
