it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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