Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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