i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
