she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
