Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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