Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
