so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
birth control should be required to get into college
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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