You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize