I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize