WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
